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The North Texas pastor who once challenged his congregation, will now spend 24 hours in bed with his wife and stream it live on the Internet.
Fellowship Church Pastor Ed Young and his wife Lisa, who have in the past garnered national attention for their innovative and frank approach to discussing marriage, including infidelity, are launching a 24-hour “Sexperiment” to help promote a biblical view to show people “how it’s done God’s way can lead to a life punctuated by exclamation marks—a life full of passion, purpose, and pleasure,” according to a statement on the church’s website.
The experiment will place the couple in a bed on top of Fellowship Church where, for 24 hours, they will not only eat and sleep, but they will conduct bedside interviews, talk via Skype with friends from around the world and discuss the biblical view of this subject in a marriage.
The whole point, it seems, is to encourage married couples to build lasting relationships through intimacy with their spouse. For those who take part, a companion book is available with all proceeds going to Fellowship Church.
The event begins at 6 a.m. Friday.
Young is the founding pastor of megachurch Fellowship Church. The main campus is in Grapevine while there are satellite campuses in Plano, Fort Worth, Dallas and Miami, Fla.
Ed Young and His Wife Appeared on ABC Television Networks Nightline on Feb 14 2012
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Church might be the last place congregants would expect to talk about this subject, but a brash new crop of preachers are starting to aggressively tackle the taboos of intimacy from the pulpit, or in some cases, from the roof of their church.
Evangelical Pastor Ed Young and his wife Lisa of Grapevine, Texas, said Christians have been unenthusiastic and unimaginative about this for far too long. To demonstrate their point, the couple had an elaborate “bed-in” event, in which they had a crane lift a bed onto the top of their Grapevine congregation’s church and settled in for the next 24 hours to talk about their favorite topic.
“I think in the Christian world, there are so many people who are uneasy about this,” Ed Young said. “Most married couples want to have this, but they’re not having enough.”
“For far too long, the church has been completely silent about something God has not been silent about at all,” said Lisa Young.
In their radical new book, “The Sexperiment,” the Youngs challenge heterosexual Christian married couples — LGBT and unwed singles need not apply.
“The first place to have that talk is in the home,” added his wife. “The second place to have that talk is in the church.”
Their “bed-in” was modeled after an event first put on in 1969 by gleeful blasphemers John Lennon and Yoko Ono. The Youngs said they are trying to take the topic back from a popular culture that has perverted it.
PHOTO: Evangelical Pastor Ed Young and his wife Lisa staged a “Bed In” on the roof of their congregation’s church in Grapevine, Tex.
“The sad thing is that our culture is throwing all these cues, all words, all these pictures of what this represents to our children, to couples to spouses, to husbands and wives, and it’s not working out well for marriages,” Lisa Young said.
The Youngs point out that the topic is discussed throughout the Bible. For example, in the rather risqué Song of Solomon 4:3, two lovers rhapsodize about each other’s lips and mouth: “Thy lips are like a thread of scarlet, and thy talk is comely: thy temples are within thy locks as a piece of a pomegranate.”
And there’s even a passage in Song of Solomon 4:16 that includes coming into the garden and eating the pleasant fruit, which has been interpreted by some Biblical scholars as a reference to oral : “Arise, O north, and come O south, and blow on my garden that the spices thereof may flow out: let my well beloved come to his garden, and eat his pleasant fruit.”
While the Youngs insist their “Sexperiment” is about improving marriages, not a how-to guide, another book written by a different pastor and his wife from Seattle comes very close to just that.
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Seven things you will never hear from your wife:
“What do you mean today is our anniversary?”
“Can we not talk to each other tonight? I would rather just watch TV.”
“Oh, this diamond is way too big.”
“Honey, does this outfit make my rear look too small?”
“Don’t stop for directions. I’m sure you will be able to figure out how to get there.”
“I don’t care if it is on sale. $300 is just way too much for a designer outfit.”
“Hey, pull my finger.”
Those are seven things you will never hear from your wife. Moving right along. We are different. When God created us, he
made that obvious. When Lisa and I were married about twenty years ago, my father who is also a pastor did the wedding. He talked about a lot of things, but I only remember one thing that he talked about. I want to show you what he talked about. He drew this triangle and he discussed the fact that God is at the apex of the triangle. Man is on the one side and woman on the other.
He talked about, as a man and a woman grow closer to God, what is going to happen is they get closer to each other. So the secret is the Lord. The secret is our relationship with him. As I draw closer to God, I am going to get closer to Lisa and she will get closer to me in this each other type mentality.
Lisa: Just to clear things up. During our wedding ceremony, Ed’s dad did not put up a visual or anything.
Ed: No, he did not.
Lisa: He just talked about it.
As I think about my ministry, as I think about what God’s called me to do, I have to rush to two principles in my life. The first principle, the first thing I’m about, is sharing Jesus Christ with others, hoping and praying they will establish a relationship with him and then become fully devoted followers of Christ. That is my first priority. Introducing people to Christ and then helping them to become fully devoted followers of Jesus. Number two, the second focus: every time I have the opportunity to come in contact with an individual, a family, or a group of people, I want to raise the self-esteem of the folks I’m coming in contact with. When I see someone accept Christ and become a fully devoted follower, when I see someone see who they are before God, themselves, and others, things fall off. Destructive thought patterns, relational problems, fears, disillusionment, all just drop off. Whoa, the lights come on when they see that they are a masterpiece.
But there’s a second thing you need to know as you take this journey to the center of your worth. You were bought with a price. A couple of years ago, this was illustrated to me in a mighty way. Lisa and I had a garage sale. How many of you have had a garage sale before? It’s a lot of fun, isn’t it? But one thing garage sales will teach you — and I had the leisure suits out, old basketball shoes — one thing that just blew me away was the fact that people will buy anything. They will.
When you take an object, an object is only worth what someone is willing to pay for it, right? Many times in my life I’ve felt, “Well, I don’t matter. I’m a no-count.” You’ve thought that too. When you think that, when you have those thoughts that come from the evil one, remember the cross. You’re talking about valuable. Am I valuable? Are you valuable, a masterpiece? What was the price? The price was the precious blood of Jesus shed for you and for me, for our sins.
Going back to Genesis 3:5, remember, man lost it: significance, honor, value, dignity. But at the cross, Jesus regained what man had lost. That’s some great news. That’s why the Bible tells us in Romans 5:8, “God has shown us how much he loves us. It was while we were still sinners that Christ died for us.” 1 Peter 1:18-19: “God paid a ransom to save you. He paid for you with the precious life-blood of Jesus Christ.” Wow. Over the next few weeks, we’re going to talk about what scars a self-esteem, we’re going to talk about how to reconstruct a damaged self-esteem, and then, how to build self-esteem in others. This is a critical issue, a foundational issue, and the first two principles you have to take with you are these: I’m a masterpiece, and I was bought with a price.
God wants you and me to give our whole selves in relationships by Ed Young
“What’s wrong. Please tell me what is wrong. Something has got to be wrong.” “Nothing. Nothing.” We are avoiding the truth. Or others just talk about peripheral things and never get down to the real deal. We have got to learn how to communicate. We have got to learn how to talk. We have got to learn how to live a life and participate in relationships of integrity. Integrity is a lost term. Here is a powerful verse, one of my favorites. Psalm 7:8. “Judge me, oh Lord, according to the integrity that is within me.” You might want to circle the word integrity. The word integrity comes from the Latin phrase which denotes a whole number, not a fraction. God wants you and me to give our whole selves in relationships. But the problem is, most of us give fractions. Here is a fourth. Here is a tenth. Here is a half. Here is a third. Have you ever met someone and known them for a year or two and realize that you know them no better after that amount of time than you did when you first met them? We are fearful, we are scared to give of ourselves. But there is a principle that can change all that. I call it the 18-15 principle. Matthew 18:15 that is. “If you brother sins against you, go and tell him his faults….” Circle the word tell. Go and tell. “…between you and this person alone.” TELL. And that is the secret of true, Biblical, getting real communication. T stands for talk about the truth. Talk about the truth with the person and make sure the timing is right. Don’t do it when the person is tired. Don’t do it when they are in a bad mood. And when you talk about the truth always affirm your relationship. Don’t just walk up and say, “You are a jerk. You make me sick.” Say something like this. “I value our marriage so much and I want our marriage to move to the next level.
Here’s the second guideline. Capture teachable moments with your children. Capture teachable moments. I love those Kodak commercials. They say carry the Kodak camera with you everywhere you go because you never know when those Kodak moments will appear. Our drama exemplified a Kodak moment that dad was not ready for. I opened up this message with a Kodak moment, a teachable moment. What do you do, parents, when those moments happen? Because they happen at all stages. I firmly believe that sex education begins the moment the doctor slaps us on the rear and says, “It’s a boy” or “It’s a girl”. That’s when sex education really starts.
Here are three ways to maximize, to capture these teachable moments. Number one, be prepared. That’s right. Be prepared. Don’t talk off the top of your head. Don’t talk off the cuff. You’ve got to be prepared. I’ve brought a couple of books that I recommend concerning preparation. Parents, we’ve got to be ready to give these impromptu but rehearsed answers. Dr. James Dobson’s PREPARING FOR ADOLESCENCE, a great book. John Needer’s GOD, SEX AND YOUR CHILD. There’s a lot of great information from John. Also, I like this title, HOW TO TALK CONFIDENTLY WITH YOUR CHILD ABOUT SEX by Lenore Boothe. A great friend of Winston Churchill said that Churchill spent a large portion of his life rehearsing impromptu speeches. One day, his head butler heard Churchill, while taking a bath, talking in a very booming voice. He rushes in the bathroom, “Is everything okay?” and Churchill responded, “Norman, I’m not talking to you. I’m addressing the House of Commons”.
Parents, think about the question, anticipate the question so you’re ready. Immerse yourself in biblical information. Many, many books, scores, scores, are out there. Hide them in your heart, understand them, and you’ll be ready. And if you are a little bit nervous, tell your child, “The reason I’m so nervous is because this is so beautiful, it’s so special, it’s so holy. I’ve never talked to a child about it before”.
Let’s get even more specific, grown parents. This is how we control them. This is how we pull the strings. We put on three hats. The first hat we put on is the hat of a banker. You heard that before? We control our grown children with cash, the rent, the credit card. Always picking up the tab for the meal, the vacation. The banker hat. And that is not a bad train to be on, is it? You’re a grown child. “Oh, yeah Dad, I’ll do that.” And now and then your Dad or Mom might remind you, well who paid for that car? “OK, I’ll do it.” Then we put on the hat, parents, of the lecturer.
I’m talking about, again, not teenagers, I am talking about grown children and parents. Some of the teenagers here are going, “All right. This is great. No Trespassing sign, huh.” Also the hat of a lecturer. Listen to this one. Here is what Dad says sometimes to grown children. “Son, I wouldn’t buy that foreign car. Buy American.” And we give them our “Ross Perot United We Stand” speech, buy American. If you buy that foreign car, you might as well move to Tokyo, just go ahead and move to Tokyo. And we have heard this. The lecturer. And then we put on the rescuer hat.
We won’t let our grown children live. We have got to know everything. And, parents, when they have problems they will come to you. Talk to them about it, you can help them out. I am not saying, don’t ever help your child out financially, or something. But there is a balance there, I am talking about overboard, I am talking about trespassing. But this rescuer thing happens a lot. Rescue my son. Rescue my daughter. Are you into that? You have got to let them fail, flounder a little bit and watch them grow.
You have a very interesting occupation with a bank. One of the things that we have hit on is dealing with difficult people. No matter what you do, you are going to deal with difficult people and the Bible deals a lot with this issue. John, describe some difficult people that you deal with and how God has helped you through some of these situations.
JOHN: The department that I manage does strategic planning and financial analysis. You can do all the planning in the world but if you don’t go back and see how you are performing against those plans, you haven’t really done the shareholder or the corporation any good. So we see how we are performing against some targets, some budgets, etc. Our incentive award programs are tied to that performance. The analysis that my department does often effects people’s pocketbooks. A lot of times the analysis we do, the presentations we make to management, lead to what the annual bonus will be. When we get into those conversations, as you can imagine, they get very personal. We are talking about a very personal thing here even though it is under the guise of business. It can get really ugly at times. I have got to look out for the best interests of the management team that I support, the executive I support and the shareholder. I need to make sure that we are making rational decisions that are in the best interest of the company. The other people are looking out for themselves. They can get angry. A lot of people in this room know that I have got a sharp tongue. I can mix it up with the best of them.
ED: John, that is so tempting too. When you get in those situations you can want to mud sling with the other person. What have you done to help you through the process because we all have that tendency.
The Sexperiment tells us that it is not hard to see the peace, the compassion, the love, the care that she possessed. When the church has a dinner, she cooks for 20 in case there are some who can’t bring anything. She and five other ladies for the next three months are going to take a day a week to serve as receptionist so the permanent woman can take three months off to have her baby without losing her salary. That is what I grew up with. The love, the compassion, the peace, the encouragement. So I feel very blessed.
I am here today to encourage you to be a thermostat. As Christians we have a choice. We can be a thermometer and register what the environment is in the world or we can be a thermostat and set where it ought to be.
Thank you again for having me here in the Lord’s house. It is a real opportunity for me to be here in Dallas, to be your head coach, to be involved with the young men who are on our football team but more importantly, to be involved in God’s work.
Ed Young: I would like to begin on this special day by taking an informal poll. Would you please respond to my questions with an uplifted hand. How many of you call her, Mom? How about, Mama? Last but not least, Mother? Well today I want to challenge you to add another title to Mom, Mama or Mother – Cheerleader. Cheerleader, because that is what she is.
My first assignment after being ordained into the ministry fifteen years ago was to give the pastoral prayer during a morning service. I was nervous about this task so I went out and read some books on prayer. I had a nice prayer memorized. The pastoral prayer was rather lengthy and then I had to lead the entire congregation in reciting the Lord’s prayer after I had prayed the long prayer. I had scribbled out the Lord’s prayer on a piece of paper so I could take it up there with me. Finally, on Sunday I was informed I was to deliver the prayer after the solo. So there I was in one of those throne chairs on the platform waiting my turn. The solo ended. The organ music began to play softly. I was going over and over the prayer in my mind. I tentatively walked to the pulpit, put down the Lord’s prayer and began to pray.
But I am a Christian.” Well if you are a Christian, you have got to be a part of the local church. That is why we talk about church membership. Why do we want people to join this church or another church? First, because, it swims against the current of our society. We live in a culture that doesn’t want to be committed to anything, disposable relationships, disposable razors, disposable trash bags. Hey, what’s hot, what’s not. It swims against the currant. Secondly, every Christian in the Bible was connected with a local church. Thirdly, it allows us to serve in our greatest capacity possible. Those are three great reasons.
What is involved in membership? What is expected of me? A couple of things. We are almost through. We are spurring the horse to the barn. Number one, we challenge you to spend time with God daily. The class we would like you to attend after this Newcomers class is called Starting Point. There we cover how to pray, how to study the Bible, how to really grow. Number two, we ask you to use your talent within the context of this church. We have a class for you which talks about talent called Discovering My Ministry. Number three, we also challenge you to tithe. We don’t force anybody to give but we survive on your tithes and offerings. The Bible says that if we are part of the church we are to give 10% of everything we make to the local church. From every deal, every transaction, every amount of interest made, everything. So that is part of what it means to be a member. I will say it again. We are not going to force you to give, there is no way we could do that. But we teach on tithing. For us to continue to do what we are going to do, we are going to have to continue to give of our time, our talents and our tithes like never, ever before.
So, if that is for you and I would love it to be for you, you can join by just remaining seated. If you don’t want to join, that is great, too. You can think about it. You can cut out and have some more coffee. Then we may see you down the road.
Let’s pray together. God, thank you so much for this church and what You are doing here. I thank you for allowing me to be part of it. I ask, God, that you would move in the hearts of those who need to join this church. We look forward to seeing those who do join to get involved in ministry. We voice this prayer in the name that is above every name, Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
